u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
