I want to have your abortion
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
