Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
