i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Randomize
