i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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