Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
the liver wants what the liver wants
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Randomize
