It's a beautiful day for a hangover
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
