just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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