Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
