you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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