He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Congratulations! We have a period
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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