things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
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