youre lurking in front of me
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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