I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
