Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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