ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
