I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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