I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
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