my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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