Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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