I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
