your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
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