4 words: hood of his car
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
NoShamevember. You game?
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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