Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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