My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
