Define "chronic" masturbator.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
