so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
