My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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