im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I cut my penus on the lid.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
