i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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