I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
