if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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