If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
