He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
