This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Randomize
