perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
