BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
