3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
