You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
