I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
