I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
