guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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