I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
