Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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