This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
