He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
