I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
