nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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