I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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