we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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