I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I said "one day" and that day is not today
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
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