Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Randomize
