You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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