Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
