She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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