is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize