Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
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