i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
