mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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