Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize