ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
