if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
