I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize