I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
