so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
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