To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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