If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
