Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
