You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
