I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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