dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
